Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
