Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He kissed a someone with a penis
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
