My girlfriend figured out who you are.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
