The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
