you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
