i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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