Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
