how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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