Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
