I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
