the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
