She went from zero to smokin in five shots
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
