wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
