I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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