You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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