you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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