Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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