No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
