I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
