Screwed.edu
Buhtt sex?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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