Whatcha textin bout Willis?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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