Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
