Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
