Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
