What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
