Yo dont text me then not text me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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