I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
