After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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