I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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