Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
