Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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