now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
