Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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