in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
