can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
