Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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