i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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