I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have fence marks all over my body
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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