I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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