Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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