You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
