You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
