shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
