i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
