Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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