Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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