Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
do nipples grow back?
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