I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
