4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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