i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have fence marks all over my body
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
