I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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