clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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