i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
